Why we're put in this mess is anybody's guess

Well, I have a newfound determination to be bigger, better and more. I think my anxiety of late really stems from my defined posture. I've been all balled up getting ready to back myself into a corner from which I would swing a chair towards a mob in close quarters. From now on out, I will sit in my chair and tell them all a story about a willow bending in the wind starring me... I've still got the chair, too. Just in case. Clickety to hear two birds with one stone.



I don't know what I did before I got my little computronic glowey magicbox. Now, I can see a catfish eat a basketball, or, better yet than anything ever, watch a monkey fuck with Tigers. That Monkey shit is absolutely whippin' my ass. He's my hero. He's my soooperhero.



I read People Magazine, but it's only for the pictures. The ladies running this site are hilarious, and I just know they love People like I do. They just mercilessly tackle Fashionistas. Fashion Police? Fashion Dropsquad! Sometimes, particularly whan a Celebrity really really prides him or herself on being a bigshit clotheshorse (Star Jones... I'm looking in your direction), nothing satisfies like dropping a smartass comment. It's even more cathartic because I buy my clothes in the little boy's section of Target... on sale. Speaking of asking for it.



Man, I can't quit watching that Monkey video. I'm cool with Gibbons, but Orangutans are more my speed. Noted Zoologists agree that given a screwdriver, A chimp will play with it, a gorilla will be afraid of it, and an Orangutan will hide it, wait until dark, and dismantle its cage. I remember hearing about this Orangutan Supergenius. He kept getting out of this ancillary enclosure they put him into while they cleaned his habitat out. They found him walking down the street a few times before they figured out how he did it. He would reach a piece of cardboard through the small window over the door to the pen, and then tap the key on the other side of the door until it was in an upright, and consequently removable, position. He would then poke a stick into the keyhole on his side, and out popped the key. It just makes me smile thinking about the big plans that furry everyman was obviously concealing. He was getting out of that place by any means necessary, and, most importantly, for a reason. I think he was going to steal his Grandma's station wagon and jump it over the Grand Canyon. Making plans...

I've just always taken a shine to them ever since I saw Clyde in Any Which Way But Loose. I love that soundtrack. Not only does it feature Orangutan Hall of Fame, and a song about a Cowgirl named Patty who rides a moped she called Flame, but also, my personal fave, You're the Reason God made Oklahoma... Word!



More Orangutan when I find the picture I'm looking for...


So much better than Chimps or Howlers without all that Gorilla Baggage.