Throughout my life, my dreams, the potent ones, repeat themselves. As a young boy, I would float slow-motion in a blank white room. Sometimes, I would see three symbols on one wall of the room. I have long since forgotten what those symbols are, but I know that they are scrawled into the side of my 8th grade desk. In my teens, it was superheroism. In my twenties, always self-mutilation. I have dreamt of cold for the last three days.
I've made mention of my curious fascination with Victorian Arctic Explorers. I remember being brought to a halt by a story of 4 men walking across ice towards the South Pole and slowly going insane. The lead man wrote in his journals of perceiving a 5th man. He would count and recount the members of his group, and always end on 5. This went on for days, before he could bring himself to mention it to his second-in-command, as he feared accusations of insanity, if not insanity, itself. His Lieutenant was simply relieved that someone else saw him, too. At night and in the tents, they were 4. Out on the ice shelf, him. While this could easily be interpreted or dismissed as exhausted paranoia, or Jesus leaving his footprints in the sand, I still wonder.
My dreams of the last three nights have been of freezing. It's me and one other. We are wrapped in thin swaddling and the wind is ripping into us and driving us closer. It's not a sex dream, but it is as if we are pulling ourselves into one another. I can only concentrate on this others heartbeating in my ears. No Jungle Drums. It's the sound of an iceberg ripping itself in half. My head is swirling with nothing but a base need to get closer and keep warm. I have the sensation of being fried in oil, but I can't let go, and that is how the dream ends, with, with us, dying of cold and need and hoping for some little flickering spark to push our blood one inch farther from and closer back towards our near-still hearts.
Either that dream, or the one where Jay Leno has the body of a stripper... (tonight show video 10/4)
Marina Abramovic...
Anoushka Fisz...
Liwei...
Abdel Halim Hafez...
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