I'm not racist. I have white friends.

My laptop went all wonky on me yesterday. The keyboard just wasn't feeling participatory. It turns out to be a good thing. What would have been a sleepdeprived, caffiene-hypercharged, fit of situational outrage, is now a cliff's notes anecdote. I stayed up too late on Thursday. I flew into work on 3 or so hours of sleep. I do it all the time, as I don't sleep so well. I have to unload a semi-truck full of 40 gallon water heaters. Every single person I work with refers to them as hot water heaters. Part of my place in life and its peculiar difficulties is embodied by my refusal to point out that they ar, in fact, cold water heaters. I just know that the recipient of this little observation would stare at me as if I were doing card tricks for a dog, or, say, a 40 gallon hot water heater. 204 of the bastards were staring me in the face on Friday morn. It's OK. I'm a scrawny tart, but I've been doing this kind of ork, off and on, for a dozen years. So, like so many times before, it was me and a random truck driver busting our asses, lumping out a trailer full of HWHs. Alternatingly, these herculean unloads reek of Jamais or Deja Vu. In all honesty, it can be split along a racial line. I don't mean to seem blunt, but that's how it is. Black drivers talk about current events, crazy road stories, funny jokes, movies, music, (I can't do sports, or else we'd all go to that place, too), any old thing that comes to mind. Those trucks are full of talking and laughing across the board. Now, I don't want to come across as being racist, but I've made charts. The white guys usually suck. They always ramble grumpily about how stupid all the other fuckers are where they come from and everywhere else. I bite my tongue, amongst the Hot Water Heaters, to not add, "Everybody but you... Everybody but you... You and me, of course! We're both a couple of Einsteins unloading Fucking cold water heaters at the asscrack of dawn. We've obviously made all of the right choices in life, and, by extension, everybody should bow down to our natural and predetermined glory, and accept our decrees on Taste & Justice." Instead, I usually just go to the John, and put my head in my hands.
The little Kyphote on Friday took all of the cakes. {I said Cliff's notes, but this, I apologize, is getting rantish} Let's see if I can narrow this down to a bullet list. "I'm not prejudiced. I think everyone should own one." "I don't give a fuck what thay say. I'm gonna call it the Winston Cup." "I don't understand why Mexicans don't just kill them selves. I mean, how could they live that way?" It was a steady flow of this shit the entire time.
See, in these parts, People think it's acceptable to make racist comments, as long as one of them isn't around. Them being Reggie or Shannon, the black guys I work with. I've made it clear that I'll cause a scene if she starts saying stupid shit, like, "Jigaboo, Pickaninny, and, of course, what shall heretofore be referred to as, The N-Bomb." The Salesman that works for us is a total flamer, so he's cool. The only other person is my Dad. If I ever said anything racist around my Dad, he'd slap the shit out of me. I remember him telling me, as a kid, that if you couldn't step up onto the little curb-high mental obstacle of being able to deal with people on an individual basis, then you are stupid. That leaves me and Reg, and Shannon. R&S, being card-carrying members of the Jigaboo Pickaninny N-Bomb Community, don't often make racist comments. If they do, it's usually about their Cousin. Based on what I've heard about this cousin, He's had his nuts knocked up into his chin by Reggie more than once. Back to the Nascracker & the water heaters.
Exchanges with drivers are finite by their nature. If they say something stupid, they'll be gone forever, soon. I've only had to directly shut one of them up one time. Some fucking open collar grecian fuck start dropping N-Bomb jokes on ME AND REGGIE. How fucking stupid are you? Reggie was working on or looking for something behind me when Aristotle drops the N-Bomb in preparation for, what I imagined he believed toe be, a really great joke. "How do you know when a Nigger Truck Driver (ed. Reggie is a truck driver)..." "Shut the fuck up." What's that?" he looked at me sheepishly. "TIME TO LEAVE!"
So, me & the Kyphote... He starts with the racist shit right away. He did so under the aegis of me having to send Reggie across town to get some more skids. I unloaded 51 skids with 4 water heaters apiece. I needed to keep this guy happy, so we could just get this shit done. I tried to have fun with it, but I was sleepy. The best I came up with was, "Yeah, it's easy to look at it as a group, but if you really think about it and pay attention, there are so many reasons to hate someone on an individual level.."
I've run out of steam with this story. My favorite moment?
"I'm moving to Europe in January."
"What for?"
The only Mexican Driver we had was Carlos. He ended his stay later that night in jail after being arrested while being chased down the street by a sledgehammer wielding Reggie in the midst of, what I am sure was, a tequila, coke, and shitty reefer fueled fishfry.



Sorry for bitching. SQUIRM needs this boat... Hell, i think it would be cool to have an aquarium player. I'm still feeling all worked up. I'll post a few hours worth of fun here, here, here, here, and here. I'm going for coffee. Go here, too.

God, and the Birdbrain

Where to start? This one's burning a hole in my to-be-posted-upon folder. Purportedly, this is the first appearance of that break. When you hear it, I'm sure you'll know it. Here's a movie about the whole affair. If you're bored and looking for breaks that have already been dug, then scope the Goodka.



Motivational Graffiti...



I found this site, while looking for more Gurdjieff tiddlebitties... He makes the argument that God is not an asshole. I think Jesus is a Yetisyn.



I'll get back to birds, but poke around Iceland for tunes. Does anyone know wherer I can find some Mugison MP3s? Watch Feist's video, too...



um...



I've been studying up on Erich Jarvis. I don't want to disrespect him by doing a blurb of a reference, but I like what he has to say about Birdbrains...



I've posted on Ron English before now. He's doing a show with Daniel Johnston & Mark Mothersbaugh. I have a total nerdboner....



Witkin's showing in Chicago. I'm going to check it out. I hear he rubs his prints with Beeswax...




I was always an enthusiastic reader of adventure stories as a kid. It was Kon-Tiki that got me hooked. I remember how absolutely fascinated I was by the pictures of them pulling sharks out of the water, so they could swim. Shit blew my mind.... I stumbled across this great compendium while I was digging up info on Roald Amundsen for our favorite Son of Krypton, Kal-El.



These guys are cooler than any of us....

Mike Patton's eBay Profile

Mike Patton is selling his old G4 for way too much, but he did write "Thanks for letting me fuck you Dad" on the side....

I'm moving to Prague

Taht's right, Kids. I'm out in January. You can get Breast Implants that are MP3 Players. I do have a blank spot on my desk. It would be like a stress ball...



I've never been into sports, but, as today's post is attesting, I'm all-tit... No need to beat me up about it.



If you don't know Halber Mensch, then school yourself, so we can all be Geniale Dilettanten.



Blixa Bargeld gives guys like me hope. Pale and scrawny can be a good look. Shit, I hear Buscemi is a sex symbol in some circles... "I told you not to leave me alone with Buscemi! I just couldn't help myself."



Who is Ben Porter?



I just wet my pants a little. This page is for my 3 blind Mice, Mz. Yo, Agru, and our favorite Son of Krypton, Kal-El. I'll see you all in a few days... The motherlode of music for three ears +Burroughs Dial-A-Poems this side of Archive.



I was getting all psyched-out and intimidated about moving to Europe, then I saw this. I can almost hear his little snailvoice in his little snailhead... " How do I feel? How do I feel? I feel like a mean Motherfucker, Sarge!!!



The Supreme Martian Overlord has a Blog.



Who doesn't love a showoff assjock on a prosthetic crotchrocket?



I saw that, and said, in my best Studio City accent,"Well, Guh-day!" It made me laugh... Se, it looks like that Kangaroo has a big ol' Wangaroo... Nothing? Not even for "Wangaroo"? I see how it is... Turn on some spacy house music, wear some tweed, and just watch this page. I'm serious about the techno.



Sorry about that. Now, cleanse your palate with the antibacterial power of cartoon viking rock... and Abaci. Would that be Abacii?

Aggro Rufulis

The post of Agrufulis I threw up yesterday was of him doing "Telephone call to Constantinople" with a long-extinct local poptrio called Ali Baba's Tahini. I actually survived the course of their entire existence without accurately saying that name aloud. It eventually would come out like nananapoopoo. {Momentary aside:David Baker says that he's been around the world, and kids, when teasing in an off-kilter sing-song melodic playground context, do so primarily in the key of F}


The bass player quit. (He's the one who's not responsible for Agru's antics.) He'd gone down Carolina way to see the Bass Player's new Band. The old Bass Player in A.B.Poopoo was briefly replaced by our own favorite son of Krypton, Kal-El.



Which, hear tell, was a drag, overall. The guitar player from A.B.pblhttt went on to join Umphreys McGee. If you don't know them, then you probably don't wear conch jewelry, either. He took alot of A.B.shashashaaa songs and went on to have a moderate degree of success on the college(highschool) circuit.{Unnecessary Fingersnapping video} Agru says that they're still playing songs from the dead band, and, in all honesty, those songs were the only ones to get the crowd moving outside of a cover of Van Halen's Hot for Teacher. {Unnecessary Hll & Oates reenactment}He thinks they're still riding the coattails of a defunct podunk band. I don't know enough to judge. I do like their t-shirts.



I told A.G.R.U. that I posted that MP3. He's all, "Oh that's awful!" I posted Yo's pic, and she's all, "oh not so photogenic." Hate to break it kiddies, but yer both fucking adorable.



I stumbled across some cool Digital Art. Be sure to watch the demo reel.



These look like great Digi stuff, but they're actually Microscopic.



Fiona Apple on Letterman...