New Pope, and I am Stoked!

I don't watch sports. Nothing against them, but they just don't hold my attention. Football (American) is just too Homoerotic, what with the pants and undercarriage ball-handling. The sound of Basketball shoes screeching on the court fills my head up with seagulls... I don't need to justify not watching Hockey. I can just imagine my grandkid staring at me wide-eyed as I explained, "Not only did they have knives on their fedet, but they also carried big curved sticks."
In place of Athletics, I usually get all excited about Politics. Presidential Debates? The Fucking Olympics! Now, however, all my eyes (both) are firmly trained on Rome. New Pope! All of the Pomp, and I can't wait. I wanted to go, but I couldn't get a room in Rome. For the guy Who didn't believe Hammerhands about the Pope being tapped three times with a hammer to ensure his deceased status, click here, Smarty!




Kumiko is excited about New Pope, too.




I'm also sad that I can't visit my crew this weekend. I've got to work tomorrow. That's right, WORK on Saturday. Bullshit! Here's a little something to tide Soul Brother Cinco over until I can get back.I've got a ton of Papal Bull that I want to post, but I'm going to go see Sin City!

Why we're put in this mess is anybody's guess

Well, I have a newfound determination to be bigger, better and more. I think my anxiety of late really stems from my defined posture. I've been all balled up getting ready to back myself into a corner from which I would swing a chair towards a mob in close quarters. From now on out, I will sit in my chair and tell them all a story about a willow bending in the wind starring me... I've still got the chair, too. Just in case. Clickety to hear two birds with one stone.



I don't know what I did before I got my little computronic glowey magicbox. Now, I can see a catfish eat a basketball, or, better yet than anything ever, watch a monkey fuck with Tigers. That Monkey shit is absolutely whippin' my ass. He's my hero. He's my soooperhero.



I read People Magazine, but it's only for the pictures. The ladies running this site are hilarious, and I just know they love People like I do. They just mercilessly tackle Fashionistas. Fashion Police? Fashion Dropsquad! Sometimes, particularly whan a Celebrity really really prides him or herself on being a bigshit clotheshorse (Star Jones... I'm looking in your direction), nothing satisfies like dropping a smartass comment. It's even more cathartic because I buy my clothes in the little boy's section of Target... on sale. Speaking of asking for it.



Man, I can't quit watching that Monkey video. I'm cool with Gibbons, but Orangutans are more my speed. Noted Zoologists agree that given a screwdriver, A chimp will play with it, a gorilla will be afraid of it, and an Orangutan will hide it, wait until dark, and dismantle its cage. I remember hearing about this Orangutan Supergenius. He kept getting out of this ancillary enclosure they put him into while they cleaned his habitat out. They found him walking down the street a few times before they figured out how he did it. He would reach a piece of cardboard through the small window over the door to the pen, and then tap the key on the other side of the door until it was in an upright, and consequently removable, position. He would then poke a stick into the keyhole on his side, and out popped the key. It just makes me smile thinking about the big plans that furry everyman was obviously concealing. He was getting out of that place by any means necessary, and, most importantly, for a reason. I think he was going to steal his Grandma's station wagon and jump it over the Grand Canyon. Making plans...

I've just always taken a shine to them ever since I saw Clyde in Any Which Way But Loose. I love that soundtrack. Not only does it feature Orangutan Hall of Fame, and a song about a Cowgirl named Patty who rides a moped she called Flame, but also, my personal fave, You're the Reason God made Oklahoma... Word!



More Orangutan when I find the picture I'm looking for...


So much better than Chimps or Howlers without all that Gorilla Baggage.

Wearing a Dead Man's Clothes

I've been pulling back into my own little world lately. It made me think of Temple Grandin. She's autistic, but incredibly successful at designing animal enclosures. Temple entered this field because she realized the stimuli that bother cattle , while unnoticeable to most folks, also set her off. For instance, Ranchers have difficulty wioth their herds getting incredibly restless at a particular part of their enclosure. Temple walks in and says "get rid of that jangling chain on that far wall, or I'm going to freak out." Autism, from what little I understand, consists of a wide variety of difficulties, not least of which is an inability to experience physical intimacy without extreme discomfort and difficulty. It's impossible to eliminate this need for contact. It's innate to Human Nature. Mengele proved it by supplying babies with all the nutrients necessary for survival, but depriving them of Human Contact. All of them died in short order. To solve this quandary I've found myself in recently, I've decided to start sleeping in a coffin.


Not really, but I could use a hug. This tiring sense of impersonal distance is tying me to the other lost souls that I can hear through the walls. I think the only way to help them is to make hug chairs. It'd be simple; just a chair with two arms to hold you. I imagine it could be operated through a series of simple levers.


Then we could all be cute and blonde, along with everything right in the world. I'm not as upset as I sound. I just get a little lonely going to work and going home with nothing in between. Speaking of work, if one more person walks away talking shit, then I'm going to hop on their back and break that bronco like the natural-born Cowboy Thug I was born to be.



Which remind me of this Mumblemouth Motherfucker I used to work with at Pizza Hut back when I was a pup. he was one of those folks who refused to acknowledge repeated attempts at walking away from a conversation/monologue. He was always talking at me from across a pizza oven, and sometimes even through it. Nothing but s& incomprehensible Old West Hogwash would come out of his mouth. He drove a $150 Hatchback with a Competition Bass System. It was Obnoxious loud. Funny part is, he would play Warrant & Whitesnake and shit like that with the Bass turned ALL the way up. She's my Cherry Pie came out sounding like Boom-Boom-Boombum-Boom with the glass all rattling. He did his own tint on the windows, and it was half bubbles. On his back window, he had written, with the most generic WalMart white stencil letters, "Bitchs aint' shit." I kid you not. At least he spelled shit right.



Oh well... I've been doing twice as much work lately, but it's tolerable because the Good Ol' Boy who used to run the warehouse quit. Now I rock the warehouse with the fresh beats instead of some contemporary I-wish-Iwas-a-hillbilly/cowboy-but-I'm-actually-just-dim Muzak. That shit makes me want to fuck a tractor.

So Much Fun!!!

I was trying to find some music sites for Hammerhands, so he didn't get Jealous of the Love I threw to The Knife, and I stumbled across this little gem. Poke around, as there is tons of fun here!


Some of that stuff made me feel like Cary Grant with a headful of Lysegic Acid Diethylamide 25.



Been there...

This is for The Knife

These have been around the world forever, but they're new to The Knife.

























OK... I started Poking around the on-line weapon community for funny knife pictures... I'm never going to leave the house again.

I can just see some redneck on dial-up, just waiting for this picture to download, so he can show his sister how sweet it is. "Ah ain't ahfraid uhnno Pitbull. Nuhoh!"
Cuddy was playing with a knife in the kitchen. His dad told him to be careful, and Cuddy said "this knife wouldn't cu... ow."



Knife is getting married soon. I wonder if it's too late to get some of this Dragonclaw action.


I bet people who choose the Dragonclaw Wedding Cake Knife set about as often as couples make their guests dress up in their usual Comicon Regalia...



Then again, people do love a theme Party. It kinda makes me itch to throw a Vestival.



It's either going to be a Vestivus... or a Viking Wedding.

Slabb o' Links, and I'm out

It's way too nice to Clickety-click inside all day long, so here's a few quick links. First, I dug up a Video by Rahzel, The East Coast 1/2 of Patton v. Rahzel...

I'm getting pretty excited about Sarah Silverman's new flick, Jesus is Magic!




If all was right with the Universe, Then this car would belong to Yo-Laina.
http://ueba.com.br/forums/index.php?showtopic=15244 (cut&paste, I don't know what's wrong)



I've been checking out work by this Painter, Cecily Brown. She's really hotsnot right now.


I keep changing my desktop background every couple of days. I'm going to try this next.



I now Know what I'm going to get the KRS-10 for her birthday...

I think I'm going to visit my crew this weekend. If not, I'd probably just waste it the same way that I always do...

Speaking of Gaylords, This Guy

Reminded me of what is probably the funniest album cover in my collection...Total Manhands!


I've been pretty fascinated by this Chinese Architecture Site all day.

Well, I'm going to do my hair and go outside for some action similar to this...

The Who Sold Out?

I just picked up this delightful little title by Petra Haden. It's an acapella cover of The Who Sell Out. Her name popped up on my Radar, because she just dropped the Who and another cover album with Bill Frisell that had a Tom Waits cover on it. Yes, I am a slut like that. I've bought so many albums because of a TW cover. I stop at Rod Stewart. She used to be in a band called That Dog, which rings a bell, but I can't say I've heard them.


The Tom Waits cover is I don't wanna grow up. She & Bill Frisell do a stand-up job on it. I'm a sucker for a pop favorite, soo I Can See For Miles has been on pretty heavy rotation.